Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
