dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
