We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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