Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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