everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she looked like the before picture.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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