Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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