Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
