We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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