He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
