12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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