I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
