Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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