I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
