Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
