ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
