Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
