considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
