need another drink. this is the easiest way
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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