i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
