she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
