Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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