I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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