he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
