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Fuck
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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