Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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