As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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