So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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