I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
