so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
