I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
