There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebeeās and has the nerve to call me easy
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
