So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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