You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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