this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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