i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
