i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
