i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I had to cum in my sink.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
