i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
