She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
