I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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