he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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