i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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