she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
