u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
