he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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