I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
