the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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