So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
