Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
