So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
