Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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