You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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