Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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