Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
