Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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