Apparently you make a good broom.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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