We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I came so hard my ears popped.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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