it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
