all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
