And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
and you said cock pushups were impossible
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
