WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
